“Can separation save my marriage?” is a question that not so many people dare to ask. Most couples would think of separation as the last warning of a divorce. To be honest, not long ago I was still sharing the same opinion until I found out a surprising truth…
What do you think if I tell you that there is more than one reason for couples to (temporarily) be apart?
As I’ve mentioned above, we always feel like something terrible is going on when a married couple decides to separate. Well, it might be the case. There are couples who part ways because they feel like they have reached the breaking point. But sometimes, they choose separation to have a better view of the marriage, and even to find a way to strengthen the marriage.
Yes, you are not reading it wrong. Instead of being an ultimate end, separation can also be a way to help couples realize that they’d better stay with each other. This might sound contradictory to our casual point of view, as we often think that when the bond between a couple has been loosened, they must try to be with each other as much as they can to strengthen it. The idea of being separated might create fear as people would like to keep their spouses within control, especially when they feel like he or she is getting more and more distant. However, with a careful and skillful plan, you will soon find out that separation can be a great weapon to bring two people closer together.
So, how can you use separation to save your marriage?
Truth be told, it is still a risky path. The major problem is when a couple say that they separate to reconsider their marriage, chances are they never do anything. If you and your partner just split without any further action, slowly you two will get used to not being with each other, which backfires completely. You have to act, and below are the list of things you should do during separation that can make it become a tool to mend your marriage, according to research:
Set clear expectations
It is essential that you two discuss with each other and set up boundaries. For example, if one partner would like to contact every day while the other doesn’t, that would lead to negative emotions that can keep you two further away from each other. Therefore, it would be better for you and your spouse to form rules.
Following the rules you two have formed is a must. Even if you start to miss your partner, well, it is a good sign. But still, you have to follow the boundaries you two have set no matter what. That’s a way to show that you respect your spouse and it shall help you gain trust from him or her.
Make sure that you both are trying for the same goal
You should be aware that maybe your partner doesn’t have the same goal as you. While splitting, if one spouse considers separation as a part of the divorce progress while the other expects it to be temporary, there is a high chance the relationship would be broken into pieces. Thus, make sure that you two are both using this separation to commit for one thing: Strengthen the marriage. Discuss with each other thoroughly about this can increase the chance for this plan to succeed.
As for you, you should always keep in mind that you two just separate to get back to each other. And don’t stop committing for it!
Don’t forget to keep in touch with each other!
Needless to say, if you and your spouse just cut off all the contacts while separating, it would turn out to be the quickest way to divorce. After all, your main goal is to use splitting to enhance your marriage. Therefore, don’t ever forget that “Out of sign, out of mind”. Maintain contact with your spouse, but don’t break the boundaries that you two have said. If you two have agreed to phone each other like twice a week, do so. It would be a big plus if you can always there and show your support when your spouse needs, even during separation.
Seek help from marriage counseling
In fact, this step is important. When there are crises going on between you and your spouse, it is hard to deal with the situation calmly. Even when you two both want to separate to strengthen the marriage, it is still tricky. Therefore, an outsider would have a better look at what you two should do in order to save the marriage. You can either visit a marriage counselor or use available programs on the internet during this time.
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However…, there are still some situations, you should not use separation as the way to save your marriage
Even though separation can work great in enhancing the marriage if you do it the right way, there are still some cases when this method should be avoided.
Each spouse should be honest with the other and their own feelings
Say, if you already want to be out of this marriage but you don’t wish to hurt your spouse, then the worst thing you can do is suggesting a separation to “work things out”. Instead of making the divorce progress easier, you wouldn’t be able to imagine how hurt your partner can be after finding out the truth.
Those with trust issues in the past shouldn’t use this method
Separating is rather risky. It requires maturity from both partners. If there were trust issues between you and your spouse, the method would raise the level of anxiety and therefore become extremely uncomfortable.
We hope that you have found the answer to the question “can separation save my marriage?” in this article. As you see, separation is not always the end. Nevertheless, the most crucial thing is that you don’t take it lightly. Problems won’t be fixed by themselves, and your marriage won’t get better when you don’t do anything. Pay attention to the time you and your spouse spend to separate. If you wish to build a stronger marriage with your spouse after that, then you shouldn’t waste a single second.
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