According to research, being manipulative is one of the top reasons that lead to divorce. Unfortunately, many people still make that mistake, despite the fact that they still want to keep their marriage. So how to stop this situation and save your marriage?
In fact, one person trying to manipulate the other is the reason why so many couples were on the verge of divorce. Countless people have shared with me how insulted they were because of their partners’ controlling behavior.
The problem is, not everyone knows that they are controlling. Some of them were ready to admit their manipulating behavior, but some didn’t even acknowledge. They often think of it as something they must do to save their marriage from falling apart. Unfortunately, it always leads to failure and makes everything become worse than ever.
To solve a problem, we should always deal with the root first. Today, Linkingo will help you find out the reason why one would be controlling, as well as the way to deal with your controlling behavior. It’s not too late to do something and save your marriage right now.
What leads to controlling behavior?
If your spouse has been saying that he or she was fed up with you being manipulative and you want to change it, the first thing to do is to find out the reason behind this behavior. When you fully understand the cause, you can work out a way to eliminate it and control the situation. Why is it that you only want things to happen the way you want? Why is it that you often ignore your other half’s opinion and feeling?
In fact, there is one emotion behind controlling behavior. This emotion is the crucial reason why one person tries to manipulate his or her partner. It sounds very simple, which is why you probably didn’t notice it from the beginning.
That one reason is fear. Fear takes over your way of behaving and turns you into a manipulative person, even when things seem to be going just fine.
To make it become even worse, most people try to justify it their way. I’ve heard many people claimed that they just liked to “have things their way” or declared that they were “a control freak”. Once you have elevated a negative trait, you will reach the point when you force it on other people around you. Especially those that you are nearest to.
In a marriage issue, it would be even easier for you to become more and more controlling. It is because there are too many reasons for you to get scared often. You are fearful that this relationship will break. You are fearful that you will lose your other half. And so on.
But let’s get straight to the point. It does not work, or even if it does, the effect won’t last long. A relationship where one person manages to control the other is not about becoming a WE. It’s just a situation where one’s opinion is lost to another’s. That wouldn’t at all be able to create a healthy relationship. Your partner will eventually feel suffocated and no longer be able to stand your manipulating behavior.
How to save your marriage: Things you can do to solve the controlling issues
1. Pay attention to your behavior: Be aware of the time you feel that fear is gonna take over yourself. Notice when you want to control your partner and make things go your way.
Also, pay attention to when you feel fearful. Why do you feel that way? What feels at risk?
When you manage to take your behavior under control, you will soon notice that manipulating behavior doesn’t help you solve anything. It is worthless and totally ineffective. When your controlling behavior has reached a certain point, you usually will be answered with rebellious behavior. In the end, you get nothing but anger, argument, and despair.
2. Calm yourself down: Remember, fear is the cause of all the manipulating behavior. Thus, if you want to know how to save your marriage, you should learn to chill whenever the problem occurs.
We would like to suggest you try breathing method. Once your unconscious mind detects a potential threat, it will put you in fear mode. Breathing correctly is an effective way to calm yourself. It’s not that complicated.
All you have to do is lying down, place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly button. Now you can start breathing, make sure that only the hand on your belly moves. This kind of relaxing breathing will assure your brain that there is nothing to worry about. Next time, when you feel that anxiety is going to take over, try to control the urge to correct things by using this method.
3. Be open to changes: Sometimes you are scared of the unknown, even when nothing really happens. In another way, the feeling of having something goes out of plan makes you feel insecure. To get yourself out of that situation, you try to control every detail of your life, including your partner.
There’s a better way, though. Try to accept changes and think about the good aspects it can bring to your life. Of course, it is always easier said than done. Everyone has that fear deep inside, the only thing that matters is what level. Consider meeting a therapist if you feel that you can’t let go of your fear.
4. Accept your partner as who he or she is: Your partner is not you. Therefore, forcing your own standard on him or her is totally unfair. Everyone has their flaws and that’s what make people themselves. If you want a healthy relationship, it is something you must accept. By trying to control them, you are unconsciously sending a message that your other half is not good enough for you and that he or she couldn’t meet your expectation.
5. Be aware of your emotions: Act less and bother your feelings more. Acting on our emotions won’t always give positive results. If you choose to sit will your emotions and accept them as they are, you will slowly know that they don’t always require you to act.
Provided that you are trying to find out how to save your marriage and this is your problem, we hope this article will be useful for you in trying to stop your manipulating behavior and start a healthier relationship. Keep in mind that fear is the main reason why you are controlling, but that fear is unreal and meaningless. Instead of improving your relationship, it will bring you only argument and relationship issues. It’s time for you to abandon your controlling habit and start building a partnership.
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