Are you finding yourself in a state where you have to take action in order to save your marriage? Here in this article, we want to warn you about these three frequently encountered mistakes. This is the situation when you have to act carefully, and making one of those is just like adding fuel to the flame.
If you reach here, you probably are trying to fight for a way to save your marriage. No matter whether it was a total surprise to you, or it was a slow progress that you could totally see from the start, your marriage is in a dilemma.
Have you ever wonder why everytime you and your partner try to sit down and have a “fix it” conversation, it would end up being a disaster?
Mistake #1: Were you being manipulative?
Manipulation in a relationship is a serious problem that often leads to break-up or divorce. While you might not be aware of it, there is a chance that you are the one being domineering and thus, pushing your partner away.
Having to see her beloved husband went from being frustrated to cutting off all the connection and refused to talk until she “stopped trying to control him”, it was what Mia one of our readers has gone through. Does that sound familiar? As a matter of fact, it is the easiest mistake to make in a relationship, especially when you feel like your relationship is in crisis.
It is because controlling behavior is based on fear. When your brain senses a potential threat, it will put you in a fear state. That’s why you will feel the urge to control every aspect of the situation in order to clear your insecurity. Which, unfortunately, includes your partner.
No one likes to be controlled, and rebellious behavior is often the answer when you try to manipulate your partner. If you realize that it keeps getting worse and worse whenever you want to talk things through, then the first thing you should consider is whether you are trying to control him or her or not. This might be the reason why your other half gets annoyed with everything you try to do or say.
Also, be aware of the “reverse psychology” method. Clearly, it is a method to manipulate one’s mind by telling them to do the opposite. If he or she realizes that you are still trying to control the situation, you might be countered, and thus things will become worse.
Mistake #2: Did you try to threaten your partner?
Out of fear, you might find yourself start listing out a lot of threats. This included taking the children with you, taking all the house and money, and exposing your partner’s “true colors”. Of course, you won’t be able to do all of these things. But they will immediately place your partner in a threatening situation. Once he or she begins to put the defenses up, your chance to solve everything through conversation is over.
When people armor themselves, they wouldn’t let you reach to their soft side. Any warm and weak emotions, which are needed in order to mend things between you two, will be hidden away. They will find a way to counter your threat, and everything you see will be anger and distance.
Needless to say, threatening would not work at all. The chance for your partner to feel scared and decide to change his or her mind is 0%, and even if he or she does, then would you want your beloved one to stay by your side out of fear? Definitely not the kind of healthy relationship one would desire.
Mistake #3: You might have been desperate
If you find yourself begging, bribing, or yelling at your partner in an attempt to change his or her mind, then you are already lost it from the start.
Remember, being desperate is not a way to save your marriage in any case. Most people fall into the trap that they are trying to convince their other half and make them “see the light” in order for them to change their mind. Unfortunately, this method backfires completely. When you are in this state, you probably are not calm enough to convince and talk things through. Everything you say will sound more like crazy talk. Furthermore, you might even accidentally attack your partner using words without realizing it. Thus, you unconsciously show your partner your worst side and prove that it is just right to put an end here.
Instead of desperately begging him or her, give both of you a space to breathe. Your partner will have time to chill and reconsider his or her decision. You can also calm down and find out the right things to say for the next time.
Perhaps you’ve made the same mistakes. If you still feel like you are stuck in the middle of your relationship without knowing what to do or how to fix it, then it is time to stop and find out if you have done anything wrong. These mistakes can ruin your whole effort if you don’t realize and stop.
Overall, you let the fear take over you. It is the biggest mistake and it leads to all the things that we listed above. Healing a relationship is not something you can let your emotions lead. Instead, you need a calm mind and a careful plan.
Of course, it is normal for you to be afraid. You are humans, therefore it is totally fine for you to have emotions. Just, it will lead to nowhere if you let your emotions take over yourself. Instead, you need to consult your plan if you want to save your marriage.
Ready to make a plan? Click HERE to get the free resources you need to know how to save your marriage.