“She just packed everything and left without even telling me”, said Jacob in the email he sent us last week. “When I called her, she said she didn’t have any feeling toward me anymore. She even took our children with her. I need to save my marriage. I can’t imagine living a life without them…”
Jacob is thirty-seven years old, and as a matter of fact, his marriage is on the rocks. Like most people who shared the same case, he was totally broken and panic. Since he didn’t know what to do in this situation, he came to us and sent a plea for help.
Truth be told, we were glad that he decided to send us an email instead of reacting out of the fear. In many cases, people lost the chance to save their marriages because they let their emotions guide them. Things won’t work out like that. Here are 8 steps we advised Jacob to try and fix his marriage. Even though they are not guaranteed, they will most likely increase the chance to mend the relationship. If you are in the same case, you might as well feel this a very useful article.
Stay calm, even though we know that it is hard
This is a situation when you need to stay calm. Unfortunately, it is NOT what anxiety might bring. Remember, you cannot make any mistake when your marriage has reached this state. You now have to rest, and then reflect on your life together with your spouse. We know that it is very hard, especially when your partner suddenly announces the divorce without any warning. It is easy to imagine how hopeless, scared and frustrated you can be. Nevertheless, if you are reading this, I hope this paragraph will remind you that being panic won’t result in anything good.
Therefore, allow yourself to relax even just a little bit. You will have a higher chance to save your marriage if you do it wisely, and in order to achieve that, you need a clear mind.
Don’t harm your spouse. Don’t try to threat or blackmail him or her
You might be thinking about doing these, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. But you know, you will be losing your chance to get back with your spouse if you threat or blackmail him or her, even just once. When you are panicked and don’t know what to do, it might result in these actions. Do you know that sometimes the best choice is doing nothing?
Also, don’t do anything that can harm your spouse. This including behaviors that you know will irritate him or her. The situation might get much worse if you don’t avoid those.
Listen to your spouse. If you can’t, try to collect the hints he or she might have dropped
According to research, often when one partner decides to leave, it is not a sudden decision. You might have hurt him or her for a long time, even without you realizing it.
Now is time for you to examine the situation. Did you spouse try to tell you to change anything? What has your spouse been trying to tell you but you (maybe) never listened? If you have a chance, talk to him or her, and LISTEN CAREFULLY. If your spouse still wants to tell you about the matters, you are considered lucky. Even if your partner doesn’t want to talk, I suppose that he or she might have dropped the hints. Make a list of all the things you think might be the reason why your spouse decided to leave.
If you have a conversation with your spouse, eliminate all the toxic words and behaviors
Were all the conversations with your partner filled with blaming, shaming, and yelling? Love cannot grow in such a toxic ground. If you show your partner all the negative emotions too often, he or she will soon feel like the affection and trust slowly fade away.
Instead of using the phrase “You are always…” and put all the blame on your spouse, focus on how you feel toward his or her actions by saying “I felt… when…” And instead of complaining, just ask. For example, you can ask for your spouse’s love and affection, which is much better than focus on how he or she has been ignoring you.
Figure out what your spouse needs
Do you really know what your partner needs? There are things he or she will make it clear with you, but don’t think they are everything. Usually, some matters will be left unspoken, and all you have to do is figuring them out. If your partner needs respect, let he or she feel respected. Provided that your partner wants to be valued, you can find ways to make him or her feel treasured, even in the middle of the separation.
Reflect and resurrect the things that make your partner fell for you
A few years ago, or even ten, twenty years ago, what traits of you that made your partner fell madly in love? Try to find back those qualities. If you manage to resurrect the feelings your spouse had for you, chances are he or she will fall for you again. After all, you managed to make your spouse’s heart melt once, right?
This is a quick guide that you can do immediately to prevent your marriage from falling apart. You can consider it a path for you to walk if you don’t know what to do yet. Remember, act fast, but don’t be reckless. We know how panic you are now, but this is a very important point where it requires you not to make any wrong move.
As you have already reached here, We trust you really want to save your marriage right away, you can check out the story in this article to discover the No. 1 secret how thousands of marriages have been rescued successfully. Or you can see how this works now by skipping to the online video by clicking HERE