Marriage counseling can be a big help in helping you to mend your relationship. Nevertheless, many people, especially young couples, are not aware of this truth: How effective this method can be, depends much on the time you choose to seek help. After all, it is not a magic wand that shows the effect immediately. Marriage counseling is just a method, and you are the only one to choose how and when to seek help from it.
Yes, you are not reading it wrong: Timing is a crucial factor which can decide whether marriage counseling works or not. Unfortunately, many people hesitated and came to therapists when it was too late. According to research, couples often stay in an unhappy marriage for about six years before seeking help. Six years! Can you even believe it? Imagine what could be changed in such a long time if only they decided to do something.
Thus it all comes down to our main question: When do you need to seek help from marriage counselors? To provide you the answer, we make the list of 7 critical signs that show your relationship might be at risk.
When you two can’t find a way to communicate with each other
Communication is very important between two people. It becomes even more crucial when you two are living under the same roof. When spouses are failed to communicate, it often leads to two cases: Either stop talking to each other completely or even the smallest matter can lead to a fight. Both are exhausting, and they will soon feel like they are trapped within the relationship.
If that’s the problem, marriage counseling will help you two find out the effective way to communicate, as well as how to understand your spouse’s perspective.
The lack of intimacy
Each of you might have different expectations around intimacy. It might not be a huge problem at the beginning, but slowly, crises will arise. Pay attention here: The reasons for the lack of intimacy are often the daily things so it is hard for you to notice. It can be the stress after a working day, changes in life routine, and mood. Marriage counseling shall point out the reason and work on a solution so that you two reach a point of intimacy that satisfies both.
You two keep on arguing over the same issue
“He keeps making this same mistake over and over again” is a complain everyone has heard more than one in their life. Whether or not this reoccurring issue become a huge problem also depends on your communication level. Each of us can be triggered by different things, which includes small matters like laundry or dishes for dinners. When one partner brings up the issue, the other is often clueless about why it becomes a problem and how to fix it. That’s when a therapist will help you find out the root of the issues and how to deal with it.
When you or your partner feel like you two are unable to forgive and move on
Sometimes when unhappy events such as infidelity occurred in the past, it might have a bad influence on both spouses even after a long time. If you are struggling in the feeling of being betrayed, rejected and depressed, marriage counseling will deal with your trauma in the past. You two will eventually be able to forgive each other and heal the relationship.
Finance can be one of the top reasons for couples to divorce. This often leads to the case when one spouse is financially unfaithful and keep secrets from the other when it comes to spending, while the other needs to know every detail about things like monthly bills and even debts. It is a serious matter and if you can’t do something appropriately, it will turn out to be an intense conflict. In this case, marriage counseling will help you discover the reason beneath your spouse’s act as well as how to work it out. This is one of the problems that you should solve as soon as possible.
You and your spouse act much like roommates
This problem often occurs after a long time staying together, and it is a sign that you two need help from marriage counseling. You don’t have to do everything together to be a happy couple, but when you feel like everything is lacking, even communication, intimacy, emotions… then it is a serious sign that might lead to divorce. It’s time to find a trustworthy therapist and work out a way to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse. You might even retrieve the feelings when you two first fall in love with each other.
You start to think like….
… if only he was able to make more money. If only he could be a bit more sensitive. I wish he could be as romantic as Amanda’s husband. She should be more understanding and considerate.
Let me tell you one thing, you might have to wait for a very long time. Instead, it is better to change yourself and your way of thinking. Try to appreciate the good things in your partner that you loved at the beginning. In this case, it is better to go to a therapist to have a better understanding of yourself. Then if there are still problems, go to a marriage counselor.
These signs are often silent and hard for you to notice, especially when both of you are driven away with a busy life. Pay attention to them now and don’t repeat the same mistake many couples have made. Marriage counseling can be the most useful way to help you two heal the marriage and understand each other better if you choose to seek help at the right time.
However, marriage counseling is not the only way to save a life with your spouse and not effective all the time. If you wanna seek more flexible methods, you can try these marriage programs.